I used to love her, then I got to know her.
All Canadians have to deal with the megalopolies now and then. If you want to have a phone, internet or mobile anything you pretty much have to sign in blood and give away a bit of your soul in doing so. My blood has been shed on cellular phone bills since 1999 when I signed up for a Cantel/Rogers deal costing a mild $1 per minute weekdays and a bit less on weekends. My bills were roughly $200 a month then. When that phone died I went on a romantic journey with Fido that spanned 4-5 years and a lot of technology changes. Somewhere in 2004 I fell in love with Windows mobile and bought a two phone package from Bell on a three year term. Total cost with everything I could imagine for both phones? About $200 monthly. I paid it dutifully for 6 years (renewing the contract once) until one day I decided it was time for iPhones, one for the missus and one for me. That journey began May 13th and has caused me to age at least 5 years since.
Did you know that Bell sends their “loyal customers” a coupon good for $200 off any phone upgrade, it’s great until you go to the store and they tell you the $200 is only good on the unit’s $799 retail price. This means that they reward any joe schmoe off the street more than they do their own customers. It gets better.
Even if you are in a Bell store, all the “dealings” have to happen over the phone. I’m pretty sure their phone system is geared towards a “let them wait long enough and it will wear them down” approach. I have called in 5 times now. Each call lasts a MINIMUM of 19 minutes before you even get to where they ask you what the problem is. During that time they play this track that is designed by psychologists to raise blood pressure and make you want to urinate. They simply hope you will hang up and keep paying the bill.
If you survive the 19 minute rigamarole, (including giving your name, date of birth, home phone) you now will be given a lot of completely useless information. Don’t bother to ask for the name of the party, it’s not ever useful. (anyone else will claim they don’t know that person). If you are lucky enough to get their employee id number, it’s a lie. they don’t look up employees by number apparently.
If you strike a deal with The Devil. She holds all the cards. If you want to back out, takes a 19 minute call (repeat above) followed by a escalation to a “retention department” where they repeat the 19 minute rigamarole then attempt sweet talk you into staying in bed with the devil longer. Any question is answered with more “please hold” while they play the inane music on an endless loop.
Yup this is a rant, sorry but Bell deserves it more than any of the others. Not even Rogers do I hold so much contempt. Every time I hear that music, my heart races a bit and my hackles go up, wayyyy up. so much I can hardly speak to them I have to seethe. How else do you address the whore while she sits on her own turf smiling her jagged grin?
Here is the latest, my cellular bill this month came in. I expected to find two neatly stacked charges for $20 each. I instead got hammered by a $70 hardware upgrade fee ($35 each, for a phone that never got upgraded at all) and $39.04 billed for data usage, must be massive right?
0.7639 MB
That is not a misprint. My cellphone, downloaded probably some email headers while it waited for it’s battery to slowly die off during May 14,15 and Bell says the charges are valid. After 6 years and $14,400 she knows that she’s not going to see me anymore so she’s trying to give me herpes in hopes I come back.
I guess she is right, she has the power. What are we going to do about it?
NOTHING, hey we’re Canadian, that’s what we do BEST!
What did I do about it? I canned the entire thing, moved down a block and gave my herpes to a dog.
[...] this was damned well the very last dollar Bell Canada will ever get from me because they are so crooked, and unable to deliver on any of their promises I went ahead and paid it. I mailed them a cheque [...]